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My Toilet Bowl Apology 2021

To whom it may concern:

A sleep deprived American journalist throws up his girlfriend's ex-sorority hand signal after a intramural flag football victory with his boys. Photo via Getty Images

It wasn't advertised anywhere, but behind the scenes, your favorite student journalists in the game held our first ever fantasy football league this season. The stakes were high, competition was fierce and as it usually goes, there were many disappointments along the way. The biggest of them all? Yours truly, Dalton Rice, the old man of The Intermission Sports. Less than I week ago I turned 22. Thanks for saying happy birthday by the way. Here I am, paying my dues on top of the $25 CAD Thomas made off of me. I am not even from Canada nor have I been there but I have already lost money there.

Things started out great. I landed the second overall pick, not bad right? Wrong. I picked Christian McCaffrey as anyone in my position would have. After CMC logged more injuries than games played, that pick became a bust. Somehow Sam picking the Bucs defense with the third overall pick wound up to be a better pick than the most balanced player currently in the NFL, go figure.

The next three rounds went about as well as I could have imagined. In round 2 I took DeAndre Hopkins. Guy is a beast, I needed a WR so why not? Only playing through part of week 8 and then not being able to play football for the rest of the season is why not. Surely, you would think I would make a great pick at some point in this draft, but that never really happened. Here is a rundown of my draft:

Round 1, pick 2: CMC Round 2, pick 9: D Hop Round 3: Darren Waller

Round 4: Kyler Murray Round 5: D'Andre Swift Round 6: Kenny Golladay

Round 7: OBJ Round 8: Darrell Henderson Round 9: Michael Thomas

Round 10: Ravens D Round 11: Justin Tucker Round 12: Zach Ertz

Round 13: Jamaal Williams Round 14: Bryan Edwards Round 15: Matt Ryan

Before the season started, this team looked amazing. Kyler is a great fantasy QB (missed 4 key games at the end of the fantasy season), Darren Waller is a top 3 tight end in the NFL (missed 5 games), D'Andre Swift looked like he was going to be a horse for Detroit (underperformed, numbers gauged by big weeks early in the year), Kenny Golladay plays for the Giants (why did I trust him), OBJ had an awful start to the season and was dropped and maybe the only bright spot on my team was Darrell Henderson who then backstabbed me along with Miles Sanders (waiver wire add) in the final week of the season. To conclude, this year was not a great one for me in fantasy football.

The point of this article is not to explain why I lost, but to publicly apologize for my performance. This punishment did not exist until a few days ago when I brought it up in our group chat, what a smart decision that was.

Here it goes.

To my league mates, competitors, peers, co-workers - I am truly sorry for tarnishing the league with my presence this season. The odds were stacked against me, even though it looked like I had assembled a lineup that was destined for greatness. That was far from the case. My performances were poor, lineups putrid and my overall record of 4-10 was pathetic. I have not only let myself down, but my country. I am deeply sorry for not taking these maple syrup sipping, moose riding pigeons down with me. I am still in disbelief that I let Sam beat me by 62 in the Toilet Bowl finals.

Congratulations to Thomas, the inaugural champion of The Intermission's Fantasy Football league. Please sponsor us, Sleeper.


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